On this page I will answer frequently asked questions that can be responded to with a fairly short answer. These questions will be drawn from questions I get at workshops, through my home visits, and from emailed questions. If you have a parenting question you would like answered contact me. I will send you an answer personally and if I feel it is useful to other families it may be included on this page as well.

Question - My child doesn't listen to me. I find myself telling him over and over what I want him to do and then I end up yelling at him. What can I do? Shelly

Shelly, This is a common question and I find that parents tend to ask their children to do things rather than telling them what they want them to.

For instance, they say; "It's time to put your toys away now, ok?" or "Can you pick that up?" When you put it that way you are giving your child a choice. Instead you should tell them what you want.

"Put your toys away now." or "It is time to take a shower."

The other thing I notice is that parents tell children what not to do rather than what to do. For instance: "Don't run!"

When you tell a child what not to do, they then have to try to figure out what they can do. Instead say something like, "Hold my hand" or "Walk" or something similar.

Sometimes it helps to give your child a choice. "Would you like to take a shower or a bath?" or "Do you want to put your books away first or your trucks?"

Whenever you give a choice make sure it is a real choice. Avoid asking "Are you ready for bed?" It is a rare child who answers that yes. For young children only give them a choice between two choices, either of which is acceptable to you. Make sure it is not a yes or no choice unless you are prepared to get no as an answer.

Good luck. Kathy

Question - - All of my friend's children are potty trained but my 3 year old son is still in diapers. Should I be concerned? Kelly

Kelly, I am guessing that many of your friends have daughters. Girls on average learn to use the potty during their second year and boys are usually three before they are ready.

There are some indicators that will tell you whether your child is ready to use the potty.

• Does your child stay dry for long periods of time, to include nap time but not night time?
• Has your child shown an interest in using the toilet?
• Is your child able to undress and dress him or herself?
• Does your child have words to describe toilet functions?

The last question to answer is are you ready? Often parents push their child to use the toilet due to outside forces, wanting to put them in childcare, grandparents think they should be trained or everyone else's children are doing it. If you are ready to help your child then the following should be helpful.

• Take your shopping and but big kids underwear. Let them pick out what characters they want. They are more likely to stay dry if they like their underwear.

• Read your child books about using the potty. There are many available. I recommend you use ones that have pictures of children actually using the potty. Read these to your child for a few days before you start their actual learning.

• It is up to you whether you buy a child's potty or use the regular toilet. There are pros and cons to both. I tend to recommend that you use the regular toilet because that is what children have to use when they are away from home. If you use the regular toilet make sure that you have a stool so they can get on the toilet by themselves.

• The first day let them sit on the toilet with their diaper on several times during the day. Tell them that big kids (boys/girls) go sheeshee in the toilet.

• The second day put them on the toilet without a diaper right after they get up. Have them stay on the toilet about 5 minutes. Remind them that big kids go sheeshee in the toilet. If they succeed praise them for going in the toilet. If they don't let them know that it is ok, they will do it next time. Then put them in underwear and remind them that they are going to go sheeshee in the toilet and not in their underwear.

• Take them to the toilet every hour the first day. Use praise when they are successful and tell them it is ok they'll go next time when they are not successful. Make sure you don't ask if they want to go just tell them it is time to go potty and take them in.

• If they have an accident don't scold, just remind them that they are to tell you when they have to go, clean up the mess and put them in dry underwear.

If you do this for a couple of days your child should have enough successes that you can then take them about every couple of hours and accidents should be infrequent.

I recommend that you start when you are going to be home for 3 to 4 days in a row when you are ready to put them into underwear. It is easier to teach children to use the toilet when they are at home and it is easier for you to be consistent about taking them at regular times.

Avoid pull ups and diapers except for bedtime. By putting them in pull ups or diapers you are giving them a mixed message. Consistency is important.

It takes longer for children to develop large enough kidneys to stay dry throughout the night. Many children are at least 4 or 5 before this happens and sometimes even older.

Good luck.

Kathy